


a love you rehearse for me

by liketheroad



Category: Disney RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-27
Updated: 2010-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 14:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liketheroad/pseuds/liketheroad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Having a clandestine relationship when both parties involved have somewhat internationally recognizable faces is hard to do.</i> In which Joe and Zac have ill-advised hook-ups and Nick isn't happy about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a love you rehearse for me

Having a clandestine relationship when both parties involved have somewhat internationally recognizable faces is hard to do. In his time as someone with such a face, Joe has been taught this lesson more than once. But, as Zac points out to Joe as he clicks the bathroom stall door closed at the Disney after party for the Teen Choice awards, that's also kind of the fun.

\---

Joe and Zac start hooking up the first time they ever meet. They're on the Disney lot, filming their spot on _Hannah Montanna_ , and Joe runs into Zac on the way to the drink machines. He's meant to be getting a diet coke for Nick, but just as he gets to the machines, Nick texts him and lets Joe know it's okay, Miley brought him one instead. It pisses Joe off, for some reason, even though he knows he should just be happy Nick got what he needed, instead of being annoyed he wasn't the one to give it to him. It must show, that he's angry, because suddenly he notices Zac leaning against the wall across from the machines, smirking at him a little.

Joe recognizes him immediately. The _High School Musical_ explosion is still going strong after the second movie, and Joe knows the terrain well enough to know who they're competing with. Joe answers Zac's smirk with a glare, trying to pull himself up, squaring his shoulders, hoping he looks taller instead of just ridiculous. Zac's face grows even more amused, his bright blue eyes seeming to laugh at Joe.

But Joe's a professional, at least he tries to be, and for all he injures himself and others on a regular basis, he isn't exactly about to throw down with Disney's new prize asset right in the middle of Nick's epic plan to use Disney to help them take over the world. Not just the music industry, Joe is pretty sure. Even at the still slightly tender age of 14, Nick wants the whole world.

So Joe isn't exactly going to screw that up for his little brother by, say, punching Zac Efron in his smug, pretty boy face. But in that moment, with the change he meant to use to help Nick rattling in his pocket, and that all-knowing smirk still dancing across Zac's face, Joe really, really wants to.

He doesn't give himself the chance, turning around and stalking off into the bathroom instead, trying to cool off.

Only Zac follows him, something Joe didn't expect and isn't prepared for. He also isn't prepared for Zac to grab him by the shirt, drag him into the nearest bathroom stall, and stick his tongue down Joe's throat.

Even years later, Joe will still blame his surprise on why he finds himself kissing back.

\---

The second time, the only surprise is that Joe kisses Zac first. It's at the premier for _Camp Rock_ , and Joe doesn't even understand why Zac is there, except to remind everyone what the number one Disney movie is, and what it should stay. Joe blames Zac's unwelcome presence on his anger, and tries not to think about the way Demi and Nick were laughing together the whole limo ride over, the way they leaned into each other so effortlessly, the way Demi's hand kept straying to Nick's knee, gripping him so she wouldn't slide off her seat, she was laughing so hard.

He calls Zac over to him with a head toss and another glare, and Zac smirks at him like, even though this has only happened one other time, they already have their own secret language, their own tradition.

He's right, at least as far as traditions needing to be repeated, because they end up in a bathroom stall yet again, this time with Zac's hands down Joe's pants as well as his tongue down Joe's throat.

They don't talk, don't exchange pleasantries, don't make sure the other won't tell. They don't have to, not any of it, and Joe supposes, as he straightens his collar and zips up his fly when he's alone in the bathroom 15 minutes later, that that's pretty much the appeal.

\---

Zac gives Joe his number after the third time, but it's more of a "let me know where you'll be at" so they can coordinate their next hook-up thing, rather than a "call me sometime to talk about your feelings" thing. Joe assumes. At least from the way he feels a bite of condescension in Zac's smile after Joe stares at the phone Zac's just handed back to Joe and asks Zac what he's supposed to do with the number Zac just put in there. 

Joe doesn't really mind though, about not calling Zac. He doesn't really _like_ Zac, or at the very least he doesn't know him, so he doesn't exactly miss the guy when they're not jerking each other off in bath and dressing rooms. Having his number helps with the whole finding him at events though, often ones Joe didn't even expect Zac to be at. He gets into the habit of sending out a bat signal, as it were, whenever he's at an event he's remotely likely to run into Zac at, and even a few where he knows Zac won't possibly be at. Mostly out of habit, sometimes out of something else. Not wishful thinking, exactly, because that would make their rendezvous out to be something they're not, something different, but something close. Almost like Joe's wishing there was something to wish for.

\---

He and Zac aren't a _thing_. Joe still dates girls, and he doesn't feel bad about it, even though he probably should. He's not exactly living pure or treating women with respect, what with the blowjob Zac gives him at the American Music Awards after Taylor's little performance, but it's not like Joe can blame that relationship's implosion on Zac in the first place. He doesn't really know what he _can_ blame it on. Taylor was really hot, and kind of crazy, and for a hot minute, that combination really appealed to Joe. But he got over it pretty quickly, and then came the whole mess about 27 second phone calls and soon Nick wasn't the only one getting hate songs written about him. At least Miley's had some nice things to say too.

Joe tries not to think about how it's the things she sings about loving in Nick that make him even madder than the ones she hates. Tries not to think about how wrong that feels, listening to someone else talk about knowing Nick in that way, loving him that way.

By the time they're back on the Disney lot filming JONAS, which isn't about them being spies anymore and that regularly makes Joe sad, Taylor and Miley and Zac are all things Joe is about ready to leave behind. Him and Nick are back to living in each other's pockets, back to sharing everything, talking every night until they go to sleep. Miley took some of that from them, for awhile, took over being Nick's nightly confidant, being the one he came to with problems and stresses and triumphs, but that's over now. They're long past over, and Joe can at least admit to himself that he likes it better that way. And without the gap Miley wedged herself into, without that distance between Nick and Joe, he finds himself far less inclined to make use of the distraction of Zac. Not that he has a lot of opportunities to turn Zac down, but they pass each other at a few events, they brush elbows at a red carpet or two, and Joe just smiles at him, opting out of his customary glare and the invitation that held.

Joe's happy again, not that he wasn't before, exactly, but filming the show is relaxing, it's fun in a different way than being on tour, and if there's one thing Joe appreciates, it's diversity. Changing things up. Even on tour, even playing dozens of shows in new and exciting places, he gets bored. So it's cool, to be doing something different. He likes the acting thing, wishes he was better at it, and is happy for the opportunity to practice.

Nick is less thrilled about the situation, clearly getting bored himself, restless in the face of occasional days off, hours of downtime during filming. Maybe in response to his boredom, maybe just because he likes her, Nick starts dating Selena. They meet for lunches on the days she's on the _Wizards_ set and Nick's there for _JONAS_ , and it's not the be all and end all the way it was with Miley, it's not the end of the world and the meaning of life, but he gives her his Costello shirt, and she makes him blush, happy and something else, so that's enough for Joe to. Well.

He calls Zac even though Zac isn't around, even though he's off shooting _17 Again_ somewhere and can't exactly come get Joe off cause he's pissed his brother is back to not paying attention to him. Not that that's why Joe is upset. He's just looking for some distraction. Looking for a little fun.

What he gets is a new text and e-mail buddy, and as that, Zac proves pretty decent. They send each other links to weird youtube videos, the occasional interview with someone they both know, and music. Zac has surprisingly good taste in music, and he even lets Joe talk him into reading some Coelho, so, by the time they're wrapping the first season of their show, Joe has been forced to conclude that Zac isn't such a bad guy, after all. Joe isn't going to be sending him flowers or anything, but like, he thinks maybe the next time they see each other he'll smile at Zac and let _that_ be his invitation, instead of his way of telling Zac to stay away.

\---

Nick and Selena break up and she makes a couple videos about it and says some stuff in interviews, and Joe kind of drops off texting Zac as much while he picks up the pieces. Nick's not really sad, exactly, at least not beyond being disappointed in himself for not being able to make it work. Mostly, he's tense, angry at himself, angry at Selena, sick of being talked about in the press like all he does is use girls up and then throw them out if their hair color isn't right. Joe's kind of sick of it too, and he hasn't even publicly dated anyone since the Camilla flare up after the Taylor debacle. Zac doesn't count, because they were never dating, and because they're not even hooking up anymore. At least Joe doesn't think they are. They haven't seen each other in person for months, but he expects that if they do, they won't be returning to the status quo. Even now that they're kind of phone buddies or whatever, the rest of it was a little bit much, in the end. Waiting a tense five minutes every time to make sure no one ever saw them leaving the bathroom together at events got a little old, and the time Zac left a hickey on Joe's neck and Nick almost saw it was bad enough for Joe to think maybe _never again_ is the best policy he can have on hook-ups with fellow Disney stars, female or otherwise.

But then, because that's just how Joe's luck does, they actually run into Zac while they're shopping, just before they're about to go on the sneak attack in 3D tour or whatever the eff they're calling that thing. They get to ride around in a private jet, and Joe's told there's going to be a lot of good food. So he's pretty stoked about that.

He's buying a new scarf for the occasion, and Nick is still vaguely in the market for top hats, so they're both perusing the accessory aisle at Ralph Lauren when suddenly Joe hears a distinctly cocky throat clear, and spins around just as Zac taps him on the shoulder.

"Jonas," Zac says, tipping his head Joe's general direction.

Joe forces himself to make eye contact, to act natural, and replies, "Efron," as coolly as he can.

Zac chuckles a little, and holds up a tie. "What do you think of this? Can I pull it off?" He leans in close to Joe as he asks, letting his eyes roam freely across Joe's face, up and down his frame, basically straight up _leering_ at him.

Joe takes a step back, shaking his head like this isn't what Zac is doing a really good job of making it look like, and Zac chuckles more, eyes shifting in amusement back and forth between Nick and Joe.

Nick is rigid, looking a mix of angry and uncomfortable, which doesn't really track with Joe, since as far as he knows, Nick and Zac have only actually spoken like three times. Never at any length, or depth. But Nick's glaring at Zac like he really means it, and Joe slides a little closer to him, just to see if that'll help. Nick relaxes a notch, and puts his arm around Joe's shoulders.

"Skinny ties are so last season," Joe finally answers, even though the question was never the point, and judging from the way Nick's hand is clamped down hard on his shoulder, the damage is done.

Zac shrugs, unconcerned, and puts the tie back. He leans in again, and Nick looms forward a little in retaliation, but Zac just winks at him, before ducking in close to Joe to whisper in his ear, "Stay frosty, kid," and sauntering away.

\---

Nick doesn't let go of Joe for the rest of the day, and when it's time for them to go to sleep, he follows Joe into his bed in their shared hotel room. He doesn't say anything, just muscles Joe out of Nick's preferred side of the bed, and rearranges the covers the way he likes them. Joe doesn't say anything either, doesn't protest any of this, just silently submits to Nick's bidding. When Nick flicks off the light and lies down on his side, he holds up an arm, and after a few minutes of silence, Joe rolls over and curls under it. They stay like that until they fall asleep, but when Joe wakes up, Nick is already gone.

\---

Zac calls Joe the next day. Actually calls him, not just texts.

"You're welcome, by the way," he says instead of hello.

Joe sputters indignantly for awhile and eventually parrots back, "You're _welcome_? What exactly am I supposed to be thanking you for?" He glances around the bus, just to make sure he's alone. As much as it ever is in Joe's life, the coast is clear.

He can practically hear Zac smirking over the phone. "Helping you out with that situation of yours, you know. I thought it was about girls, or something, competing like that, but," Zac chuckles, "clearly you guys do fucked up a lot more interestingly than that."

"What are you talking about?" Joe demands, feeling his stomach sinking and his head spinning. It's a truly nauseating combo.

Zac chuckles, "He might as well have stamped _property of Nick Jonas_ all of your forehead, I was impressed. I haven't been non-verbally told to _fuck off_ that clearly since I tried to buy Corbin a drink while Tisdale was there. Girl's got eyes of _stone_ , man."

"You just weirded him out," Joe protests weakly, wishing he could at least convincing to himself, if not Zac.

It's a clear failure on both fronts, and Joe winces as Zac snorts, "Sure thing, kid."

"You don't know him," Joe's voice comes out low, like a warning.

Zac backs off immediately, saying, "You're absolutely right," and then, quieter, "Good luck, Jonas," right before he hangs up.

Joe stares at his phone for a long time, and tries not to admit to himself that he's hoping for Zac to call back.

\---

They finish up recording for the new album, and Miley comes into the studio for a couple weeks to lay down the lyrics for and then sing _Before the Storm_. She and Nick are suddenly getting along again, like the past two and half years never happened, like she's been with them this whole time. He barely looks at Joe, just sticks to her side at all times, playing with her hair, whispering in her ear. Joe stews, telling himself he's worried about Nick getting hurt again and not so jealous he wants to rip her hair out.

He ends up hanging with Kevin a lot, during those weeks, mainly just so he can stop himself from texting Zac. Kevin seems pretty up for it, all in all, and doesn't even hold it against Joe that he's basically been ignoring Kevin for the better part of the year. Probably longer than that, if Joe's being honest.

Regardless, it's good to hang out with Kevin again. They go shopping, go out for drives, for dinners. Kevin never asks Joe what's bothering him, or what's up with him and Nick, and for that, and many other things, Joe is grateful.

They almost talk about Zac once, when they're driving back to the studio and Kevin is talking about Danielle, about maybe wanting to ask her to marry him someday, and then he makes a joke about getting laid, which Joe assumes is mostly for his benefit, Kevin trying to get him to crack a smile when he's been nothing but sulky and silent all afternoon. But instead of laughing, all Joe wants to do is throw up. Kevin's so sincere, so committed to the whole purity thing. Not even the virginity thing, but being committed. Being with someone you love. Saving yourself for that, if nothing else. And Joe. Joe just tossed that aside, threw any hope of having his first time be special, for it to mean anything, away. Carelessly, like so much... well, trash.

Kevin notices him silently freaking out, and he almost pulls over, asking Joe if he's alright. Joe's not, and hasn't been for awhile, but all he does is nod, and force a smile, and convince Kevin all he needs is to go back to the studio, to finish up for the day, and then get some rest. He's not really sure he does all that good a job, but it's enough for Kevin to leave him alone, for him to drive them back, and even though Joe can feel Kevin's worried eyes on him the rest of the day, he stays silent, and right about now, Joe's taking what he can get.

\---

Tour starts, and Joe endures having Miley on stage with them, and then a few nights later, without a single rehearsal, they host the MMVAs in Toronto. 

He gets a text from Zac, telling Joe he'll be there, but doesn't realize he's happy to see him until Joe spots Zac in the audience when they open the night with Poison Ivy. He plays the whole show in a knot, goes through with the dares with the emptiest smile on his face, and tries not flinch away whenever Nick comes close to him.

When they're done, there's an after party which is a little too wild for their image or their taste, and Joe calls his own room that night in the hotel. Nick looks shocked, hurt, but Joe ignores it. Let him call Miley and complain about it. Joe's sure she'll make him feel better.

He texts Zac when he gets to his room, feeling reckless, bold. He gets a text back almost instantly, asking for his room number, and in a moment of complete abandon, Joe texts him back, letting Zac know.

He doesn't know how Zac slips past the front desk and Joe's security, but Zac's been in the business even longer than Joe has. It stands to reason he knows a trick or two. At any rate, Joe doesn't ask, just kisses him, hard and fast, and let's Zac do the rest.

About the time Zac has Joe half-dressed and pressed up against the wall and Joe's fighting not to lose it too fast, he opens his eyes, trying to come back to himself a little, and he sees Zac's eyes are open too, locking with his as they press their mouths and bodies together. Zac's eyes look blank, empty, and it makes Joe go cold.

"Why are you doing this?" Joe asks, tearing his lips from Zac's. Cause, yeah, what with Miley and Nick being maybe back on again, and the way that's making something like rage and something like grief tangle around Joe's heart, he's pretty much got the memo on why _he's_ doing this, but he still doesn't see what Zac gets out of it.

Zac smiles at him, but it's a different smile than his smug, perpetually amused leer. He leans in and kisses Joe, soft, and... nice. "Because you're pretty," Zac answers like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Because neither of us is going to rat the other out. Because you're this knot of repressed want and need and that makes you... well, _eager_." He shrugs, almost like he's apologizing for taking advantage of it, only he's Zac, so not really. Definitely not sorry enough to stop, anyway, from the way he pulls Joe back to him, ending the conversation by dropping to his knees.

\---

They almost get caught, that time. Sneaking Zac out of the hotel proves a lot more difficult than sneaking him in. He actually gets snapped by a couple paparazzi as he's leaving the hotel parking lot, but despite a raft of speculation about why Zac was there, no one suggests "sexcapades with Joe Jonas" as a possible option. So at least they're safe as far as the media is concerned.

Nick is another matter entirely. Whatever he thought he saw during their shopping trip run-in gets added together with Zac's speedy exit from their hotel in Nick's head, and the result is the most pissed off look and tightly crossed arms Joe has ever seen.

He ignores Joe the whole day, sits through meetings and rehearsals, and even though they're singing together on stage that night, Joe couldn't feel more alone. Even Kevin is looking at him strangely during the set and costume changes. Neither of them come over to Joe the whole show. He hams around with the horn section, and runs around like a crazy person, trying to make it look like he's too fast to be caught instead of being actively ignored.

When they finish, Joe can't get out of the venue and back to the hotel fast enough. He's back to sharing with Nick, but he spends a good hour avoiding him in the shower before Joe's ready to even consider facing him. He can't stay in there forever, unfortunately, and when he leaves the bathroom, Nick is ready for him.

He immediately muscles into Joe's space, practically bumping chests with him, he's hovering so close. "What are you doing?" He asks, soft and serious. Worried, underneath the anger that burned in his eyes all day.

Joe sidesteps him and makes a fast beeline to his bed. "Just getting ready for bed," he answers, trying to sound as normal as he can.

"That's what you're going to say to me right now?" Nick demands, voice breaking a little.

Joe wants to keep moving, to keep avoiding Nick's eyes, but the desperation in his tone makes Joe stop, turn to Nick, and ask, "What do you want say, Nicky?"

"The truth!" Nick all but shouts. "I just want to know what's going on with you."

"Like you tell me what's going on with you?" Joe snaps back, letting more hurt out than he intended.

Nick takes a step back, looking stunned. He puts a hand to his face, like Joe slapped him, or something. "I tell you things," Nick replies weakly.

Joe shakes his head, anger suddenly rising up inside of him, months of held in frustration coming to the surface, "You didn't even tell me you and Miley were back together!"

Nick's jaw hangs open, and he stands there in gaping silence for a long time before saying, "That's cause we're not." He takes a few shaky steps towards Joe, and Joe doesn't move back, so soon enough they're close enough to touch again. Nick puts a hand on Joe's shoulder, hesitant at first, but then gripping him harder, "We're not."

Joe nods on autopilot while a million emotions rocket through him, but eventually he makes himself step away. "I'm going to bed."

"What?" Nick demands, clearly flabbergasted. 

He turns away from the hurt in Nick's eyes. "I'm tired."

"Joe! We have to talk about--"

"Look, it doesn't mean anything, okay?"

He expects anger, again, but Nick's voice is gentle, almost sad, when he says, "That's the point Joe, it's kind of supposed to."

Joe laughs, because it's that or something much, much worse. "Yeah, well. That's not really an option."

"What are you talking about?" Nick presses, invading Joe's space all over again, crowding him against the bed, so it's sit down or fall over.

Joe chooses to sit down. Heavily, making his jaw snap shut. "Nothing," he kicks down the covers, crawls in, and then pulls them over himself, snapping off the light, even as Nick looms over him, staring at Joe in shock.

"Night, Nicky." He puts as much finality into his tone as possible.

Nick keeps standing there, watching him, for a very long time.

\---

Knowing Nick and Miley aren't back together doesn't help like Joe thought it would. In fact, it kind of makes things worse. Turns out Miley was just an excuse, a convenient way to avoid thinking about the other reasons Nick is so far out of his reach.

It also isn’t helping that he can’t so much as text Zac, because suddenly Nick won’t leave him alone. Like, ever. He literally follows Joe everywhere, even the bathroom.

“I can go to the bathroom by myself, Nicholas,” he says, as snottily as he can, when Nick follows him in yet again. They’re at the Boston venue, an hour before showtime. 

“Making sure you’re by yourself is exactly why I’m here,” Nick answers, voice hard, uncompromising.

Joe shakes his head. “You realize he’s like, not even in the country, right?”

Nick doesn’t even flinch. “I’m sorry, are we talking about this now?” voice arrogant, challenging.

“What do you think you’re doing here, Nicky?” Joe responds softly, feeling nothing so much as tired.

Nick answers immediately, “Protecting you.”

“From what?” Strained, almost desperate.

Nick pulls up his shoulders and looks at Joe seriously, “At the moment? Yourself.”

Joe sighs, and closes the bathroom stall behind him. Nick stands outside, and waits.

\---

Nick doesn't ease up on Joe so much as an inch until they get to Canada. After a summer of softball, concerts, and not much else, Joe is pretty glad for the relative relaxation and freedom the _Camp Rock 2_ set provides him. He and Nick have to be apart a lot, because most of their scenes aren't together, and even though Joe isn't particularly used to the sensation, he's grateful for the space. He escapes for a day of shopping in Toronto not long after they're installed for the shoot, and spends the whole day texting Zac in between purchases. Occasionally he even snaps pictures of what he's trying on for Zac's consideration. Not while wearing them, of course, Joe isn't quite that stupid, or reckless, but it's a fun way to spend the afternoon, all the same.

When he gets back to the hotel they're living in for the next two months, he manages to evade Nick's clutches by immediately latching onto Kevin, showing him everything he bought and describing his decision making process in excessive detail. Kevin's up for it, eagerly asking Joe questions about the alternate colors available in the shirts and scarves he purchased, and eventually Nick huffs a sigh and leaves them to it.

Once Nick's gone, Kevin looks at Joe seriously and asks, "Are you ever going to tell me what's going on with you and Nick?"

Joe stays silent for a long time before shaking his head.

Kevin sighs. "Well, are you at least going to fix it? Because this has been going on a long time. Too long, Joe," he says, his voice entreating Joe to listen.

Joe nods shakily, and busies himself shoving his new clothes back into the bags he carried them home in. "I'm working on it," he lies, but resolves to make it be true.

\---

When Kevin's not around or willing to be used as a buffer between himself and Nick, Joe employs Demi. He doesn't feel too bad about it either, since hey, it's not like they aren't friends, it's not like she isn't one of the coolest girls he's ever met. So he's not faking wanting to spend time with her, even though maybe he pushes it a little, just in terms of sheer volume of time spent together. But it's fine, it's good, until Demi gets the wrong idea, and Joe has to see the way her face crumples when he jumps way too eagerly on her reluctant suggestion that they try to keep things professional, just stay friends, while they're waiting for a lighting issue to get cleared up so they can go back on set.

What's worse, though, is when Nick also gets the wrong idea.

A couple days after Joe let Demi down a little too quickly, and he could see hurt behind her "no big deal" team player smile, Nick comes back to their hotel room after dinner in a state, and as soon as the door shuts behind him, he turns on Joe, waving his hands and blustering, "I thought you were gay!"

Joe blinks, shocked by this blunt accusation, and stammers, "I'm not - I don't - why are you--"

Nick throws his hands over his head, and only a lifetime's worth of having professionalism hammered into his head stops him from all out shouting, "Well why the hell else would you be... doing what you've been doing!"

Joe's tries not to think about it, tries to pretend like that part of his life only exists in the moments he and Zac are actually tangled together, but the truth is, he knows the answer to Nick's question all too well.

Zac is nothing like Nick, but he knows about Nick, knows that, at least on some level, that's what it's about for Joe. That's as close as Joe's going to get. As close as he'll allow himself to get. And Zac doesn't care. Maybe he even likes that, is glad that, whatever's between them, it's not about to get complicated. Neither of them is going to get too attached. 

He doesn't want to have this conversation with Nick, but at the same time, he doesn't want to lie to him either. He's so tired of lying to Nick. "You take what you can get, you know, Nick?" He asks, almost hoping Nick doesn't. He half terrified of being alone in this, but more than that, he never wants his little brother to feel this way.

But as he's learned more than once, and not the easy way, there are a lot of things he just can't protect Nick from, and when Nick nods, stepping closer to Joe and looping his arms around Joe's waist, Joe knows this is one of them.

Nick looks at him, so intent and lovingly that for a minute Joe is afraid, really afraid, that Nick is going to kiss him, but in the end they both stop it from happening, each taking a step back at the same time.

They stand there, two steps away from each other, their hearts hammering in their chests, until Joe forces himself to turn away. He doesn't say anything when Nick immediately locks himself in the bathroom, staying shut up in there for over an hour. He doesn't say anything at all, the rest of the night, and aside from a whispered, "I love you, Joe," right before he turns off the light, Nick doesn't either.

\---

They finish filming, and the European leg of the World Tour, and things between Joe and Nick aren't better, exactly, but they're not worse. Nick watches him a little less hawkishly, gives Joe a little more room to breathe. From the way Joe sees Nick straining, especially on stage, to pour as much energy as he can into music, into sports, acceptable things, Joe thinks maybe space is something they both need right now.

When they get back to LA, Zac is Joe's first call. He answers on the first ring, "What, you don't love me anymore, is that it?"

Joe surprises himself by laughing happily, "I was on tour, jackass. And before that, you know. Canada."

"Right, I hear they don't have phones there yet. In Canada," Zac agrees, voice dry, amused. 

"Only tin-can," Joe clarifies.

"I'm having lunch," Zac says, "on Sunset. It's deliciously overpriced." 

"Sounds like a good time," Joe replies, swallowing. Zac's close. He could get to him in an hour, if he can come up with a reasonable excuse for his parents and avoid Nick entirely. The latter will be infinitely more difficult. Joe's got plenty of excuses. 

"I might get a smoothie, after this," Zac continues leadingly, and Joe can imagine his smile. He wants to lick it off of him.

He's in his room, which has the same posters as his other two rooms in the houses they have scattered across the country. He's on the phone with someone he has no business talking to, making plans that could destroy his career, his family's welfare.

He's going to hang up, he's going to tell Zac, tell him _no more_ , but then there's a knock on his door, and he knows it's Nick before he even hears him say, "I'm coming in," and all Joe feels is want. It hits him so hard he has to close his eyes, and that makes his decision for him. He says, "I'll get there in half an hour," and hangs up before Nick has a chance to turn the doorknob. 

Nick stands in the middle of Joe's room, hands on his hips, eyeing him suspiciously, "Were you just talking to someone?" 

Joe smiles, and lies smoothly, "Just confirming my hair appointment."

Nick raises his eyebrows, "You're cutting your hair?"

Joe shrugs, "The movie's over, and tour. I can do what I want with it for a little while." He's actually been considering this, and while he'll now have to do a little finessing to make sure he can squeeze in an appointment at his favorite L.A. salon after he's done with Zac, it's the best lie he could come up with on such short notice. Believable, and better still, not something Nick's ever going to ask to tag along on.

As predicted, Nick just makes a face and says, "Good luck with that then." After walking closer to give Joe a light punch on the arm, Nick leaves him to it.

\--- 

Between Nick and traffic, he gets to Zac a little later than predicted, but he sees Zac drinking a smoothie on the patio of the Ivy as soon as he pulls up. Joe feels a moment of panic - they've never actually met up somewhere, never planned something like this, and the Ivy isn't exactly low-key. He's seriously considering just driving, but Zac spots him, and waves. Joe's eyes widen, but he waits, watching Zac drop a handful of bills onto his table, hopping the fence and then into Joe's car.

"Are you serious? Someone might see us," Joe hisses, but Zac just laughs.

"Then you'd better drive fast, kid."

Joe takes his advice, but is careful to stay just under the speed limit. He damn well doesn't run any red lights either. He's not having this little escapade captured on film.

They just tool around for awhile, driving and fighting over the radio, until Zac eventually says, "We can go to my apartment, the parking attendants are very discrete."

Joe laughs, like that's happening.

"What then, superstar?" Zac asks, letting his hand drop onto Joe's thigh. 

Joe tries to concentrate on the road, "Fine, but I'm not parking right by your building. We'll walk."

Zac nods, and leaves his hand where it is. "Whatever you say."

\---

Zac's building doesn't actually have valet parking. It's actually a small, unassuming little building, tucked into one of LA's more relaxed residential neighborhoods. Nothing flashy, nothing glamorous. Joe's surprised.

"I'm only 22, you know," Zac says, shrugging. "I don't need the mansion and the infinity pool just yet."

Joe laughs. One of his backyards literally is a golf course. "I can't relate."

Zac laughs too. "Yeah, I know you can't, kid."

He lets them into his building with a key. It's takes kind of awhile. "Sometimes you have to fiddle with the lock," Zac explains, as they head up the stairs. "The door's too old, sometimes it sticks, too, doesn't even lock."

"You don't worry about that?" Joe asks.

Zac shrugs, "My door locks, to my apartment. It's just to get into the building. And we don't get a lot of foot traffic around here anyways."

"I meant more like paparazzi," Joe clarifies.

Zac laughs, "I'm not that big a deal."

Joe stays silent, but just for a second, presses his hand against the small of Zac's back. Zac smiles at him over his shoulder, and unlocks the door to his apartment.

\---

Less than ten minutes later, Joe's shirt is off and he's got Zac's fly undone, and they hear a banging on the door. Joe feels a tremor like his heart has stopped, but Zac just lets go of him and presses up against the door, peering through the peep hole.

"It's your brother," he announces, not even sounding particularly surprised.

Joe doesn't even have time to say, "Well don't let him in!" before Zac does the exact opposite.

The door swings open, and then Nick is just standing there, staring at Joe's bare chest and Zac's swollen lips.

Zac takes a step towards Nick, like he's going to try and explain or something, like they're not so far past that point Joe is dangerously close to throwing up. 

Zac gets as far as saying, "Look, me and your brother--" and then Nick punches him in the face.

Hard.

Zac staggers back, his hand catching blood as it starts to pour from his nose. "Nice one," he compliments thickly, his voice warped and made gravely by the damage to his nose. 

Nick glares, unapologetic and uncompromising. "You don't touch him again, ever," he responds, leaving no room for debate.

Zac glances at Joe, still covering his bloody face, and for what Joe supposes will be the last time, winks at him. Joe feels a pull of something, and he guesses maybe it's affection.

But Nick is holding up his hand, and Joe knows he expects Joe to follow him out the door.

Without a word to Zac, Joe does.

\---

Nick drives Joe's SUV on the way home.

"Where's your car?" Joe asks, breaking the heavy silence that they've carried with them since they left Zac's apartment.

"I'll get it later," Nick says shortly, and doesn't elaborate further.

Joe buckles up.

They drive to the sound of the radio until Joe finally can't hold it in any longer, "You _followed_ me."

Nick makes a derisive noise, "Of course I followed you."

Joe stares straight ahead, too angry to look at Nick when he says, "Not cool."

Nick doesn't respond. A few blocks later, Joe adds, "And you should have fucking apologized to Zac."

Nick slams on the breaks, and it's lucky they're still in a residential neighborhood, cause on the freeway that kind of move can get your car totaled pretty quick. Joe doesn't think it would have mattered to Nick, though, not in his current state.

"You're not seeing him again. I'm not doing this again."

Nick sounds so serious, so sure he can just stop Joe, command him with the power of a few words. 

The worst part is he's right.

"You don't know what you're doing, Nicky. You don't want this."

"Like hell I don't."

"Without Zac--" Joe starts.

"It's just me and you." Nick finishes.

It feels shockingly final, jarring, hearing Nick say that aloud. "It can't be just me and you. Not with this."

"I don't want anyone else," Nick protests. "I don't want _you_ with anyone else."

Joe closes his eyes, and bows his head. "Are you sure it's not just the latter confused for the former?"

Nick laughs. Joe opens his eyes, shocked he's laughing at a time like this. Nick shrugs a shoulder at Joe, still keeping his eyes on the road. "I wasn't sure you knew what those words meant."

Joe pauses for a second, trying to remain indignant, or at least scared, but in the end, he laughs too.

Nick drops one of his hands off the wheel, and splays it on his thigh like an invitation. "I'm sure, Joe," he says, voice hoarse with emotion.

Joe bites his lip, tries one more time to be strong, to stop himself from taking all the things he wants, from taking them from Nick. But then, just when he thinks he can feel the want easing back, giving him control again, Nick whispers, "Please."

Joe reaches for his hand blindly, instinctively, and knots their fingers together.

Nick squeezes his hand, long and hard, and keeps driving.


End file.
